Death Derails Me...

Let me explain...
A week ago, one of my good friends from high school lost her father to cancer. I knew her father from hanging out at their house during high school but, like many people from my high school days, I hadn't seen him in years.
His death affected me...

The same week a friend of ours in Florida lost her good friend during a medical procedure. This was a young mother of twins. I had never met her but she was close to my friend.
Her death affected me...

A little over a year ago, a good friend from Kentucky lost her husband in an accident. Her little sister and I went through school together. I had attended this couple's wedding. They were an example of what a solid Christian marriage looks like.
His death affected me...

Ever since I lost my dad two years ago, death affects me. No, I don't think that is the right word for it, I think "DERAILS" is more like it. Now, if I see an obituary or hear about a death on TV or in the news- it doesn't affect me at all. It's the personal connections I have made with this person or the connections they had with one of my friends. It's strange and I can't truly explain it. I almost feel as if the grief process with dad is beginning all over again. I find myself feeling the emotions: the shock, the loss, the heartbreak all over again, the hurt, the stomach punch feeling.

I know that grief is a process and through it I am becoming stronger and I know that I am changing with it. There are no words to express how much I feel for my friends that are going through this. I will hold them in my prayers and in my thoughts and offer words of encouragement to them. It's hard to see others go through this and to know that they are feeling some of what I felt. It breaks my heart because grief is hard.

The one thing about death that doesn't affect me is that it is not permanent for those of us who are in Christ. There will be a reunion. Heaven just gets to have them longer and we know that they are in a better place, even if we still need to see and hold them here. I do look forward to that day when I get to see not only my father's face again but the face of my Lord and Savior.